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friday, august 13, 2004

Hungry Monk

A buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything.”

11:08 am | Comments (0)

The Promise

A dying man gathered his best friends - a lawyer, doctor and clergyman - at his bedside and handed each of them an envelope containing $25,000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelops in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy the next life.
A week later the man died. At the wake, the lawyer and doctor and clergyman each concealed an envelope in the coffin and bid their old client and friend farewell.

By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only $10,000 in the envelope he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all the money, he would send it to a mission in South America. He asked for their forgiveness.

The doctor, moved by the gentle Clergyman's sincerity, confessed that he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The envelope, he admitted, had only $8000 in it. He said he too could not bring himself to waste the money so frivolously when it could be used to benefit others.

By this time the Lawyer was seething with self-righteous outrage. He expressed his deep disappointment in the felonious behavior of two of his oldest and most trusted friends. "I am the only one who kept my promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelope I placed in the coffin contained the full amount.

The other men looked down in embarrassment and the lawyer continued, "Indeed, only I honored the deathbed wishes of our great friend. My envelope contained my personal check for the entire $25,000."

11:07 am | Comments (0)

The Wheelbarrow

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the young guy replied.

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, "All right. Get in."

7:11 am | Comments (0)

friday, august 06, 2004

Lion attack

Two wildlife documentary film makers were filming a wild lion in Africa. They both notice that the lion is about to attack them. One of the men puts down his camera and slowing changes from his boots into a pair of running shoes. The other man see this and says, "You know you can't outrun a lion don't you?"

The other man says, "The way I see it, all I have to do is keep ahead of you."

12:36 pm | Comments (0)

thursday, august 05, 2004

The Funeral

A young preacher was asked by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side burial service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns. Eventually, a half-hour late, he saw a backhoe and its crew, but the hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were eating lunch.

The diligent young pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place.

Taking out his book, he read the service. Feeling guilty because of his tardiness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in style.

As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: "I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years and I ain't never seen anything like that."

8:07 pm | Comments (0)

Dance on your grave

An elderly couple would constantly argue about everything. The woman often
ended the arguments by stating vociferously, "I'll dance on your grave!"

Well, sure enough, the old geezer died first.

His last request was that he be buried at sea.

12:19 pm | Comments (0)

tuesday, august 03, 2004

Blondestar

Mobile help for blondes.

blondestar2004.mp3 (1mb)

3:58 pm | Comments (0)