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thursday, june 29, 2006

Moon walk

If this is funny to you, then you're getting old...


11:54 am | Comments (0)

wednesday, june 28, 2006

Brown Paper Pete

A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whisky. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?"

The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.

"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.

"Well," said the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers, and brown paper shoes."

"That's strange," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"

"Rustling," said the bartender.

3:57 am | Comments (0)

friday, june 09, 2006

South Georgia

Bubba Wayne and Billy Bob, who are both from Moultrie, Georgia, traveled to Atlanta for a vacation.

While walking along a busy downtown street, they see a sign in a store window which reads, "Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each and Trousers $2.50 a pair."

Bubba Wayne says, "Woo Hoo, Billy Bob! We could buy a whole gob of these clothes, take 'em back to Moultrie, sell 'em to all our friends and make a fortune fer us."

Bubba Wayne continues, "Now when we go in there, don't you say a word, okay?  Just let me do the talkin' 'cause if they hear your South Georgia accent, they might think we're ignorant, and they won't wanna sell them clothes to us. Now, I'll talk in fake Northern talk so's they won't know."

They go in and Bubba Wayne says with his best fake Yankee accent, "I'll take 50 of them thar suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them thar shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of them thar trousers at $2.50 each. I'll just back up my pickup and......"

The owner of the shop interrupts, "Ya'll from South Georgia, ain'cha?"

"Well....yeah," says a surprised Bubba Wayne. "How come'd you know that?"

The owner replies, "Cause this here's a dry-cleaners."

6:19 am | Comments (0)

Cheap Fix

    John went to a psychiatrist.  "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble.  Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it.  I'm going crazy!"

    "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink "come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." 

    "How much do you charge?" 

    "A hundred dollars per visit."

    "I'll sleep on it," said John.  Six months later the doctor met John on the street.

    "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

    "For a hundred bucks a visit?  I went on one of those "Dude Ranch" vacations and an old cowboy cured me for the price of a bottle of whiskey."

    "Is that so! How?"

    "He told me to cut the legs off the bed!  Ain't nobody under there now!!!

6:18 am | Comments (0)

thursday, june 08, 2006

Southern Grandma

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."

7:10 am | Comments (0)